Hi there… This has been a challenging week so far. Yes, I went to therapy 3 times this week. (Note that was by Wednesday!) What is the deal??

I don’t even know how to explain it… or maybe I don’t know if I should? I don’t have time to write a novel explaining the whole story so let me just say a few things because it feels better to get it off my chest. I feel lost.  And that’s scary and sad, ya know?

I’ve been doing the back and forth thing with Ben for about two years now. We have had a few super bad times and a lot of super good ones. We love each other. But there are a lot of factors that have kept us from moving forward and getting on the same page. To say ‘it’s complicated’ is an understatement.

There’s a lot of hurt from things we’ve each done in the past. Forgiveness is a work in progress. We were raised very differently. We have different priorities in life. There have been family emergencies that have caused us to be apart for long periods. Health, work, family, money, travel… so many things have added stress to an already fragile situation. But, there’s still love there so we haven’t shut it down completely.

I’ve thought, ‘All we have is that we love each other… but nothing else’.

Despite all the challenges we’ve tried to fix things. A for effort?  But we hit a bump in the road last week… actually it was more like a brick wall in the road. And after walking away from a negative therapy session on Tuesday I expressed my concern and we had another last minute session last night.

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Oh, and I was struggling with my thoughts so much I had a session with my one-on-one therapist earlier in the day (I see her here and there when I just want to bounce things off a neutral third party).

I am really struggling with this. The bad thing about therapists is they don’t just say,”Get it together and do x-y-z.” (Then, “Boom. Problem solved that’ll be $300.”)

But nooooo, no one wants to be responsible for your life choices and happiness. (Okay I guess that’s fair.)

So, please fill out the poll below and chime in with what I should do with the most important decision of my life…

 

Oh my gosh. Not really.

I just wanted to share that I’m having a challenging little time over here. I can’t come out guns blazing with all the details because it’s not fair and not really possible to share a short version that would give the whole picture.

I just really appreciate you reading RER even when it’s not about running or eating or repeating and just me sharing my life.

If you are having a challenging time in life find someone to talk to. If you’re in school there are often free resources for counseling. Local churches can set you up with a pastor or someone to talk with. (Just be careful what kind of church it is – one day I’ll tell you about my accidental alien church session!!)

Speak the truth in love. Be kind to others. Stand up for yourself.

xoxo, Monican.

Question: Do you think the guy sitting outside the grocery store who always asks me, “Hey lil red, how are you?” could be my free therapist?

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